Will your relationship survive

Will your relationship survive? The pandemic has put our relationship to a severe test. Forcing us to be closer than ever, it has paradoxically driven many of us further away from each other. The explanation is simple: on weekdays, the average working couple spends 30 minutes with each other in the morning and two to three hours in the evening. On weekends, we see each other longer, but that time is usually "diluted" with errands to run, visits from family and friends. Rarely, as now, have we been together 24 hours a day, seven days a week. When we are not well matched, such an intense presence of the other person can sometimes be unbearable. What used to irritate us before, given in too large a dose, becomes intolerable. And yet, in order to assess whether a relationship is promising, it is enough to analyze a few important issues. Below is a questionnaire developed by Gary W.Lewandowski, a professor of psychology at Monmouth University.

1. Does your partner(s) make you feel like a better person, and do you have the same effect on them?

2. Can you talk freely about your feelings? Doesn't either of you need to be afraid that the other person will leave?

3. Do you accept each other fully without trying to change each other?

4. Can you talk respectfully, without contempt or anger, even when you have different opinions?

5. Do you make important decisions together and no one takes permanent "leadership" in the relationship?

6. Are you best friends with each other?

7. Do you think in terms of "we" more often than "you" and "I"?

8. Do you give your bank account and social media passwords to each other?

9. Do you have a good opinion of each other?

10. Do your relatives and friends think your relationship is successful and promising for the future?

11. Aren't there any so-called red warning flags flying over you, such as jealousy, betrayal, attempts at excessive control?

12. Do you share the same value system: social and political views, approach to marriage, having children and their eventual upbringing?

13. Are you willing to sacrifice your own needs and goals for each other (within reason, of course)?

14. Are you both emotionally stable?

15. Are you sexually matched (do you have similar needs and temperament)?

This questionnaire was posted by Karolina Jaroszewicz in the July issue of High Heels July,2020,p.3 If "no" appeared several times in your answers, I have bad news - this relationship will probably not stand the test of time. But there's also good news - a breakup could be a chance for the better, because according to Lewandowski, "staying in a bad relationship is the worst possible thing." KJ