What is an orgasm? It is ecstasy, explosion, explosion, peak, climax, culmination... Scientists conducting research on human sexuality as early as the 1960s, distinguished 4 phases of orgasm: the phase of excitement, plateau, peak-orgasm and the phase of relaxation. Arousal is the result of a combination of psychological factors - fantasies, imaginings, feelings of security and bodily factors - touch, caresses, stimulation of erogenous zones. If both factors are fulfilled and provide both partners with positive sensations, the growing excitement will naturally move the lovers to the plateau phase.
The first phase can be equated with so-called foreplay. How much partners "invest" in this phase, devoting time and attention to each other, can determine the success of the climax phase. Therefore, it is worth taking care to create an atmosphere of tenderness and closeness. Caressing, whispering in the ear, but also lingerie, mood lighting, music or strawberries with champagne can influence the psychological factor. If this factor is missing, or if the stimulation of the body is not at a level that would induce excitement in either partner, then this phase can be delayed or even interrupted.
However, if nothing disturbs this first phase, and the partners continue to provide each other with the right stimuli for each other, the plateau phase will see an intensification of sensations that will lead to orgasm. The success of these phases relies on the interplay of stimuli and drive. If the stimuli are too few or do not match the demand of the partners it is likely that orgasm will not be achieved. Orgasm is a state experienced by the whole body. From the physiological side, it is the discharge of tension manifested, among other things, by violent muscle contractions. Typically, women feel orgasm most in the pelvic area, vagina and clitoris, while men feel it most in the penis and prostate gland. However, this is not the only area to feel a "spilling" orgasm. Each person experiences it individually and its location in the body can vary.
Contributing to this myth was Sigmund Freud, who referred to clitoral orgasm as immature and vaginal orgasm - as that indicative of a woman's maturity. To this day, many women and men are adherents of this division. Fortunately, thanks to many years of work by American scientists (W.H Masters, V.E Johnson, A.C Kinsey) studying human sexuality, we know that in no way should orgasms be divided into better - worse or mature - immature. Women derive the strongest sensations from masturbation, slightly less during skillful stimulation by a partner and the least during sexual intercourse. The degree of experiencing orgasm is determined by a woman's physiology and physique. The vast majority of women experience orgasm during clitoral stimulation, but some experience it by stimulating several areas (clitoris, anal area, vagina, breasts, sacral area of the spine). Clitoral orgasm does not have the same course in every woman. Some ladies like to handle the clitoris very gently, others prefer more forceful caresses, and still others stimulate the clitoris with a stream of water from the shower (Havelock-Ellis Syndrome). Vaginal orgasm is similarly varied. Some ladies like violent movements of the penis, while others like smooth and gentle ones. For some women, only the combination of clitoral stimulation with a partner's hand and the insertion of the penis into the vagina guarantees an orgasmic experience. So it is important to remember that the way of experiencing orgasm, the time to reach orgasm and the type of orgasm is individual for each woman and variable. That is, a woman at different stages of her life may perceive stimuli and respond differently to caresses.
Among couples who come to sexology offices, there are many for whom the lack of vaginal orgasm becomes a source of frustration. Some come with guilt, others blame each other. Men - that they can't give their partner enough sensations to experience orgasm, and women - that there is something wrong with them, that they can't experience it. Some women believe that they don't have orgasms, even though they experience them during masturbation. However, they do not qualify this feeling in the belief that orgasm is the result of genital intercourse alone. Other stereotypes concern the frequency and intensity of the orgasm experienced. In the belief of some couples, every intercourse should end with an orgasm and ideally it should be felt in every cell of the body. Meanwhile, not every intercourse must and will end in orgasm, and this absolutely does not mean that the couple has a problem. Orgasm is a multifactorial response, consisting of a series of external and internal stimuli. How often and how strongly orgasms are experienced depends on individual predispositions. For many women, lack of orgasm is not a problem at all. It only becomes one when their men are convinced that bringing their partner to orgasm during intercourse is what every woman dreams of.
Author: Katarzyna Klimko - Damska, psychologist, psychotherapist, for Poradnik "Health".
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Katarzyna Klimko - Damska
Psychotherapist, Sexologist, Integrative Psychotherapist, Addiction Therapist, Couples Therapist, Youth Group Trainer
To arrange an appointment with this doctor, please contact us by phone at 22 24 12 444 or by e-mail at kontakt@cpp.pl