ORGASM IS IN THE HEAD
Anyone can experience an orgasm.
Theoretically, from an anatomical, physiological point of view - any woman and any man with a central nervous system, erogenous area, can experience orgasm. The problem arises in practice, because just because I have something doesn't mean that I can make proper use of it. For we forget that all sexuality, and therefore the ability to experience orgasm, is hidden not between the thighs, but between the ears, that is, in the brain. It is the brain and its various structures that are responsible for processing the received erotic stimuli, both sensory and motivational.
And it's the brain that decides whether certain sexual behaviors are inhibited or modulated - whether a woman wants to fully engage in sexual contact, how much of her sexual activity involves pleasurable sensations, and how much involves anxious behavior.
The experience of orgasm is also influenced by the quality of her relationship with her partner (how well he meets her needs and expectations), but also by the day of her cycle and the level of her sex hormones, the medications she is taking, the type of contraception she is using, her memories of previous sexual experiences, and finally, her approach to sexuality and to sexual pleasure shaped by the environment in which she developed. The factors that can interfere with access to experiencing pleasure are many. In the case of women, orgasm is an acquired phenomenon - women have all the anatomical and physiological mechanisms needed for this highest quality of experience, nevertheless, these mechanisms must be shaped in the right way. If they are not shaped positively, but indifferently or negatively, then a woman will not make optimal use of the potential that lies within her.
A man always has an orgasm.
In men, orgasm is, in general, an innate phenomenon, but it is necessary to distinguish here between two concepts that overlap: the moment of semen ejection and the moment of experiencing sexual pleasure. These two phenomena occur so close to each other that it sometimes seems that they are one and the same. Meanwhile, this is not the case. The ejection of semen is not at all necessarily associated with satisfaction or orgasm. This happens in the case of men who had some difficult experiences in childhood or adolescence, such as being molested. They are capable of having intercourse, but during the act they are accompanied by a feeling as if they were separated from their partner by a glass pane. They are unable to experience it deeply and profoundly.
There are many types of orgasm.
In popular guidebooks and color magazines there are various typologies and even rankings of orgasms: vaginal, clitoral, nipple, multiple, nocturnal, etc.... Such distinctions are misleading, because in general, orgasm - as a physiological phenomenon - is one. Just as one is Rome. On the other hand, Rome can be reached by different routes - from the east, west, north or south, from the northeast, from the southwest.... So the orgasm is one, but there are many roads that lead to it. It cannot be said that if a woman experiences an orgasm as a result of biting the lobe of her ear or stimulating the inner surface of her hand, she is experiencing an "inner-ear" orgasm or a "lobe-ear" orgasm. The experience of orgasm always takes place in the brain - it is here that the right amount of neurotransmitters are released, so that they trigger the mechanisms that cause contractions of the uterus, vagina and anus, facial flushing, accelerated breathing, accelerated heart rate. All this "commotion" takes place in the head, not in the vagina, clitoris or nipples. Sensory foci are located in the vagina or clitoris, and stimulating them triggers orgasm. Although "grandfather" Freud made a distinction between clitoral and vaginal orgasm, modern knowledge has disproved this concept. Today we know that neither clitoral orgasm is less mature, nor vaginal orgasm is more desirable.
It can be wonderful without an orgasm, too.
Fact. Many women experience satisfaction even though they do not experience orgasm. The sheer intensity of the experience resulting from intimate contact with a partner's body, along with the perception of male tenderness and caring, from emotional closeness, motivates them to have another sexual contact, even if it is not accompanied by an orgasm. On the other hand, the postulate "Everyone has the right to orgasm!" is debatable. Yes, but this right should be interpreted accordingly. Blackmailing a partner with this "right" or trying to ruthlessly enforce orgasm can actually block the ability not only to have this experience, but also to simply experience the pleasure of intimate contact. Such a ruthless focus on the experience of orgasm is very frustrating, and for both parties. It happens that the partner, "educated" by guidebooks that it is important for the partner to have an orgasm, tries very hard to bring her to it. However, it seems to him that the partner has not peaked, so he feels frustrated. She, on the other hand - even though she really didn't have an orgasm - was satisfied with the act, she got satisfaction from the closeness. The key here is the ability to be together and to read the verbal and nonverbal signals we give each other. When a woman shows that she's comfortable, cuddles, is happy and even talks about it, her partner should believe her, not wonder if she's sure because he's read detailed guidelines in counseling books.
The partner will not recognize a faked orgasm.
It depends on the quality of the partners' relationship, on their emotional intelligence, attentiveness. And on the acting skills of the faking orgasm. Some people can probably play it as perfectly as Meg Ryan in the iconic scene from the movie "When Harry met Sally." The question is - why? This is shooting yourself in the foot, because the pretend orgasm partner sends the wrong signal to the man, false information. He thinks everything is fine, so he continues to behave the way he did, applies the same caresses and is convinced that he is doing it optimally. The partner uses his previous experience in good faith, wants to bestow his partner to the fullest, but she needs something different from his previous partners. Instead of telling her about it, she accepts his caresses with kindness and pretends to orgasm at the end to give him pleasure. The effect of this is that he won't change anything in his ars amandi, and she will have the same thing as before. And there will be growing frustration in her. So it is better not to play, not to pretend, but to communicate her sensations, needs, expectations. Which, of course, is not easy, because here we are moving in a particularly delicate matter, and we do not even have a good language to convey what we want to express in this sphere.
Orgasm can be experienced at any age.
Mirabelle, from the short story "Late Lovers" by William Wharton, made love for the first time and experienced an orgasm in her seventies. Orgasm in retirement is not literary fiction at all - a woman's age has no effect on her ability to experience it. A woman may have less desire for sex in the perimenopausal period, but if intercourse occurs, she is fully capable of experiencing orgasm. She is capable of it every day, as long as she has the desire to have sex. Although, of course, from a biological point of view, the peri-ovulatory period is particularly predisposed to it, since a woman then feels more desire and passion, and reacts more spontaneously. The experience of childbirth is also a special caesura. In women who have not previously experienced orgasm, they often begin to experience it in the second trimester of pregnancy, as the small pelvis is more congested and the receptivity of the erogenous area increases. However, childbirth itself can, in some women, contribute to a certain blockage to orgasm. If the stress of childbirth has caused sex to be associated afterwards only with labor and pain, there may be a reluctance to have contact and even to see the partner as the perpetrator of pain, even though the partner previously desired sex and gave her pleasure.
Infertility can kill orgasm.
It's true. For a couple struggling with infertility, experiencing orgasm can become a problem. This happens when the partners are accompanied by a strong sense of guilt ("What kind of woman am I if I can't get pregnant!", "What kind of man am I if I can't make her a mother"), and the treatment makes intercourse no longer spontaneous - they make love only when there is ovulation, sex becomes "technical" sexual contact, and therefore reluctant. It is only a procreative activity, not sexual contact, which kills the experience.
Stress and depression block delight.
Medications taken by people struggling with depression can make it difficult or even impossible to experience orgasm. This is because the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain are altered. For men, stress and exhaustion can also be an obstacle. Fortunately, visual stimuli are an important factor for them - sometimes one strong signal is enough to trigger the cycle of sexual behavior. Visual satiation promotes desire. Partners see each other, smell each other, absorb each other with all their senses, speak to each other tenderly, passionately, touch each other. All this builds internal tension, prepares for sexual contact.
The beautiful have orgasms more often.
Fortunately, this is a myth. Easier access to experiencing orgasm is available to people who accept and enjoy their bodies - and that doesn't have to be beautiful women and handsome men. Acceptance of one's body is an extremely important factor in experiencing one's sexuality in a positive way. A woman whose Ideal Self is very far from the Self she sees in the mirror has a very low opinion of herself as a woman, and therefore also as a sexual partner. She is convinced that she has little to offer, and this thought accompanies her in the bedroom at all times. As a result, she inhibits sexual excitement and has trouble reaching orgasm.
Orgasm is a matter of technique.
When sex is reduced to "servicing the body" of the partner, one senses that the partner is simply carrying out his plan, because he wants to convince - above all himself - what a wonderful lover he is. One this does not at all bring you closer to giving pleasure and experiencing orgasm. In the bedroom, it's a good idea to take that mirror off yourself and look at the other person without plans, to open up to him as much as possible. And when we sense that something doesn't give her pleasure, we can ask later: could I do something that would give you even more pleasure? The basic one is to learn to communicate what I want, what I desire, how much and how I want to be caressed, what gives me pleasure. It's worthwhile to innovate in all sorts of ways, to explore, to go outside the bedroom to give yourself new exciting stimuli.
Orgasm is when it is not the target.
If the partners set their sights on the goal, the effect of orgasm, it may not happen at all. The goal is mutual closeness, mutual delivery of pleasure in the physical and emotional spheres. Talking and reaching a compromise if each partner enjoys something different most. For example, maybe we make love once the way you want, and once the way I want. That is, we are back to communication, and to the fact that orgasm is in the head, in the brain. Anyone who forgets this is doomed to lose. If he is set on the fact that orgasm is the right stimulation of the erogenous and sexual zones - he will not get it this way.
Author: Dr. Andrzej Depko
Source: www.charaktery.eu
If questions arise in the above area, we invite you to visit our specialists,
.
